Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Wrack and ruin

Sometimes it seems like Maya is intent on alienating herself from me. She is repeatedly digging up the yard, which I reseeded only about a month ago. Last night I came home to find five (yeah! five!) holes, some of them four or six--maybe eight--inches deep in some cases, in a nice straight row. It's like she just went down the line digging like crazy. Why? She needs more exercise and attention. This is happening during the day when I'm at work. But Maya isn't at home alone. She's being allowed outside alone and without supervision and is tearing the place apart. The solution is getting her out more, and when I close this issue of the magazine (and get over this wicked cold) I'll work on that, but with the days getting shorter and colder, it's likely to get more and more difficult. But the short-term answer is not letting her dig, watching her, just like any of the other children. She's still just a pup.

The reality is I feel really let down. I've worked so hard on that yard this year, and worked all summer long alongside the guys building the stone retaining wall and then the deck, taking advantage of them working to do other jobs that were best done while their work was going on, or working with them to assure that things turned out the way we wanted. I've tended that grass repeatedly trying to restore it to a half-way decent lawn. In the end, I feel that my sweat and my aching muscles count for nothing and my labor--given on my weekends and days off and after work--is taken for granted. A big joke. The fool working his ass off for nothing.

I get mad at Maya, but she's just a dog and is trying to burn off energy. She is being allowed to dig. So why am I wasting my time--my life--even trying? I feel like saying, to wrack and ruin with the whole friggin' place.

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